May Shell Exchange
And a Quick Poll
Welcome to the May Shell Exchange!
Before we get to the collection of amazing reads for the month, I have a quick question for you:
Now that Substack has handy Tags for all posts (I bet you didn’t even notice, did you?), I’ve been able to give the Shell Exchange its own tab on the page. Convenient for readers, but my cute little image (which I’m very proud of) makes the page look one-note. So:
Now, back to business as usual:
Midway through each month, I drop a list of recommended reads. I try to feature winning hermit crab essays (🦀) when possible. But those charming crabbies aren’t always easy to find. So I also make it a point to share pieces on invisible illness.
If you come across an essay or article I haven’t mentioned that you feel warrants attention, drop the link in the comments, and I’ll add it to the rotation next month.
1. “Unlearning the Ableist Writing Workshop” by Sarah Fawn Montgomery in ANMLY
“But this wasn’t the case — like many disabilities and chronic illnesses, mental illness is a lifelong negotiation. I did not want to sell a story that implied tidy resolution was possible. I did not want to write the ableist story of my disabled life.”
2. “Teen with life-threatening depression finally found hope. Then insurance cut her off” by Rhitu Chatterjee in NPR
“For example, if a suicidal patient is past a suicidal crisis, insurance plans often try to move them to a lower level, and ‘a much less expensive level of care,’ she explains.
And that's what happened in Rose's case.”
3. “Long COVID is Being Erased—Again” by Ed Yong in The Atlantic
“‘I can appear completely fine for two hours a day,’ he said. No one sees him in the other 22. He can leave the house to go to medical appointments, but normally struggles to walk around the block. He can work at his computer for an hour a day. ‘It’s hell, but I have no choice,’ he said.”
4. “What is Your Struggle?” by Brynn Saito in The Rumpus
“Your acupuncture doctor calls you a warrior. You hear worrier. Then you hear warrior. What does it mean to believe in one’s body?”
5. “In Utero” by Elissa Lash in Atticus Review
“When my uterus was a baby uterus nestled in my baby body, she was a tiny perfect sea sponge singing her song to my tiny, perfect personhood to let me know that I was a girl. We didn’t yet know that to be a girl in the world is to be the pointed end of the less-than sign, to be the angular tip of a witch’s hat, to be the whittled needle nose of a poison arrow.”
6. “The Week Before My Sons Were Born, I Lost My Smile” by Elena Sheppard in The Cut
“My own mouth was behind a mask, so there was no way the doctor could have known the impact of her words. But it had been nine weeks since my face went still, and nothing had changed. My face hurt less, but I couldn’t smile or blink or kiss or blow out a candle or drink through a straw. I struggled to say any word with a b or a p. And now the thought lodged in my brain that my babies weren’t smiling and it was my fault. Without my smiling at them, how would they learn? Without my smiling at them, how would they know I was happy?”
7. “‘A’ is for Anosmia” by Deborah K. Shepherd in Oldster
“My hearing is the first thing to go. It’s 2016 and I’m 69, I finally break down and spend thousands of dollars—not covered by Medicare—on hearing aids after a car ride conversation with my then 6-year-old grandson:
Grandson: ‘(Unintelligible…blah…blah) asparagus.’”
8. “Field Guide to Falling Ill” by Jonathan Gleason in The Sun
“In the tense, windswept silence that followed, the doctor said, ;I’m afraid you have high blood pressure.’ He sounded helpless; the problem had slipped the bonds of medicine, strayed into a complicated mélange of social services and psychology. “I’ll write you a prescription. I can give you antidepressants, too,” he offered. She nodded once, sank back into her silence.”
9. “What Happened?” by Rebecca Liebendorfer in The Audacity
“Memory is a complex thing. Not having access to a memory is different from not thinking about one. I stood in the shower this morning, looking down at the scars on my chest, covering them in soap suds, and then poking at them with my finger as the suds washed away. These scars have stretched across my chest for years, but I still study them with fascination.”
10. “Opinion: Why Americans Feel More Pain” by Nicholas Kristof in New York Times
“Accustomed to treating acute pain, physicians diagnose through imaging and knowledge of anatomy: If someone suffers from chronic back pain, get an X-ray! And imaging often finds something odd that may suggest a surgical solution. In Dr. Warraich’s case, there were prolapsed discs. But it’s also true that X-rays of people with no pain show similar anatomical faults.”
11. “Retriever of Souls” by Amy Irvine and Ruby McHarg in Orion
“I’ve come to suspect that these dark tales prepare Ruby for her own nighttime wander in a way the waking world cannot. I have no idea what it’s like for her—but based on her dreams (which, come morning, she describes in rich detail), I imagine the wildest of places. An arctic still iced with permafrost. A primordial forest not yet clearcut or beetle-killed or burned. Which are, now that I think of it, examples of stories ending well. Whatever the case, before we finish reading, there’s a look in her eyes—a gaze trained far beyond anything I can see. It’s as if she’s inside the story.”
12. “You Start Down the Wrong Path” by Sarah Fay in Cured
“I speak, and everything I say sounds like a lie. Unmentioned go the pain and sense of cracking and mania and depression so deep I’ve thought they’d swallow me that have been the primary focus of my life since I graduated from high school. Unsaid goes the reality that my high school years were characterized by starvation, light-headedness, cracked skin, and thinning hair due to low body weight.”
13. “Tachycardia” by Suzanne Richardson in ANMLY 🦀
“Patient may have permanent heart damage post-surgery. It’s too soon to tell. Patient should closely monitor heart activity when exercising, walking, & sitting. Regular appointments with doctors should be kept.”
14. “An artist uses the canvas to make sense of her partner’s illness, and her own” by Isabella Cueto in STAT
“With chronic illness, it’s often a moving target day to day. One day, I feel better. The next day, something is not working right. And so there’s a lot of loss of control. Accepting that is really hard or rolling with that is really hard. And it’s also isolating, too. So painting has been a way to reclaim that experience and also call it something not good or not bad, but just my own experience.”