For Everything That Pains You
(Sol) 600 IU tablets
(or capsules or liquid or powder or gummies or injection or drops or ointment or patch or just stand outside for however long your skin color dictates you need to expose one-quarter of your flesh to absorb an equivalent amount of Vitamin D)
Help Relieve Pain Symptoms
Sunshine is a non-prescription medication that helps control pain symptoms such as cramping, throbbing, burning, shooting, stinging, soreness, stiffness, aching, twitching, and squeezing.
If your nervous system can conjure the ache - whether you’re battling a migraine, flare, pinched nerve, inflammation, TMJ, costochondritis, irritable bowel disorder, restless leg syndrome, allodynia, carpal tunnel syndrome, arthritis, sprain, broken bone, amputation, or electrocution - Sunshine can relieve the worst agony.
By taking Sunshine, once a day, you can relieve your pain symptoms for up to 24 hours. Possibly one hour. (You WILL need to repeat your dosage) At the very least, the effects last as long you buy into the hype.
You may begin to experience relief of pain symptoms 5 minutes after taking Sunshine (10 minutes if you don’t spend the majority of your existence locked in a dark room, contemplating the woes of your terminal diagnosis). Response may vary depending on the strength of the pain, time of day, season, and current weather. You will also need to consider the number of people who have recommended you try Sunshine.
You may experience worsening allodynia, sunburn, irritation, annoyance, and unresolved pain while using Sunshine.
Sunshine is for use in adults 18 and older - preferably those who have already experienced some level of skin damage. (It’s important to note that those who recommend a trial of Sunshine often forgo warnings of proper sun care) Sunshine is not for use in children or anyone with a skin tone similar to eggshell (or paler).
You are encouraged to report adverse side effects of non-prescription drugs such as Sunshine. This way, people know to recommend additional therapies and treatments for your pain - without your request or consent. Expect to receive pamphlets, emails, and social media posts encouraging such alternatives. There is no way to prevent the onslaught.
Additional risks of Sunshine include:
Exposure to the outdoors
Potential for injury
Interaction with the general public
Further unwanted advice
Ask Your Doctor if Sunshine is Right For You
You are, of course, unqualified to make health decisions yourself. Your doctor - or better yet, your friends, family members, and strangers you encounter while running errands - are the best source of information on your pain. Only they can provide the information on Sunshine you need to make a rational decision.
Brought to you by Unlicensed Pharmaceuticals - the makers of Yoga and Sleep.