Post-Election Conversation Starters
Perfect For Holiday Dinners
Conversation Tips
Before you dive into inciting a mealtime free-for-all, there are important reminders to keep in mind to ensure a proper exchange of ideas. After all, if you’re going to get yourself permanently kicked off the Invite List, you want to do so in spectacular fashion.
Always lead with open-ended questions. If you start your conversation with a simple yes or no option, it will be too easy for Aunty Edna to head off the topic into safer waters.
Maintain a strict poker face. You are deriving glee from Uncle Bob’s complete and utter meltdown, but you don’t want him to know. Keep your expression polite and interested as his coronary artery threatens to blow.
Come prepared. Have your chosen topic researched, rehearsed, and ready to go before you say a single word. Nothing invites a potential shutdown by Gramama like a hesitation over facts.
Don’t fear awkward silences. Expect your loving family members to turn their heads, feign fascination with the ceiling or sports game, and even attempt to escape into the kitchen on the pretense of “assisting” with meal prep. Don’t be afraid to lob their names around like unsuspecting ping-pong balls to bring them back into the conversation.
Never stoop to their level. Name-calling is, of course, permitted once things get heated (you know you’ve been waiting to call out your idiot cousin Jeremy). But don’t waste food and start slinging those mashed potatoes Mom worked so hard on.
Always get the last word. Even if it’s as they push you out the door.
Happy kick-off to the holiday season!
For Spoonies
Which organs can I put you down to donate via the black market when health insurance completely disappears?
Who’s going to offer up their home when I lose my job due to too many sick days utilized?
Everyone state what food they’re going to miss the most.
Which easily preventable disease are you looking forward to catching?
Who’s looking forward to the Bird Flu Pandemic?
Would anyone be down to organize a medication smuggling operation from Canada?
How about those of us with nothing to be thankful for go around and list everything we stand to lose in the coming months?
What’s the polite way to say, “I don’t want your disease-riddled kids anywhere near me?”
(Alternate) How do you say, “Keep your disease-riddled corpse away from me” without offending?
Have you considered what the hospital intake restrictions might look like?
Let’s start planning out who gets to take on [insert oldest/most feeble/most compromised family member’s name here] once Medicare is destroyed.
How long do you think you’ll survive without standardized, proven health care?
Who will stand up for me to defend my medical rights?
Who’s willing to defend my medical insurance?
For the Neurospicy
How many panic attacks is everyone having a day now?
Admit it, who predicted that the “everything will be okay” messaging was a bunch of croc?
Does anyone else find it ironic that the Gifted and Talented are now the people being ostracized and condemned?
Who’s tired of pretending they’re okay?
When do you think they’ll stop permitting therapy because it’s a sign of “weakness?”
How soon is too soon to start saying, “I told you so” to people?
Is it a conspiracy theory if it makes more sense than what the news is printing?
If I’m not allowed to scream in public, why are grown-ass adults in positions of “authority” allowed to?
Why is mental health a taboo topic?
Does anyone here have a clear understanding of what’s wrong with everyone on this planet?
Does anyone else think we need a reset on this simulation of the Matrix?
What do you think the rational substitution for medication—researched, tested, refined, and approved by scientists and doctors—is?
If I see images that aren’t necessarily true, does that make me the perfect candidate for president?
Which “reeducation” camp are you looking forward to being assigned to?
Who’s willing to stand up for my mental health rights?
Who will defend my way of thinking, acting, and speaking?
For Anyone
When do you think people will stop fearing women so much enough to put one in power in this country?
How do you think you’ll fare in the first Hunger Games?
What tariff-impending products are you putting on your Christmas list this year?
Who’s excited about the Great Elon Depression?
Ballpark—how much lower do you think school test scores will go in the next four years?
How many of you thought we’d elect a delusional idiot before we elected a woman?
You weren’t planning on having all of your kids survive to adulthood, were you?
What climate disaster are you looking forward to the most?
How long do you think until they ban women from reading—you know, kill two birds with one stone?
Which books do you think we’re never going to get to see on the shelves again?
Instead of the blessing, how about everyone state a group negatively impacted by this election?
How many “friends” did everyone lose when the election results were declared?
Who here knows someone who’s had an abortion?
How long would you say until we’re embroiled in World War III?
Who will stand up for my rights as a woman?
Who’s willing to speak up for the LGBTQIA+ community?
Who believes immigrants deserve rights in this country?
Who’s going to stand against a fascist dictatorship?