All right, so they aren’t essays. But it was too hard to resist.
Happy Holidays, everyone!
12 Things at Christmas That Cost Me Spoons Today
The 12th thing at Christmas that cost me spoons today: Hung all the lighting.
The 11th thing at Christmas that cost me spoons today: Agreed to do the baking.
The 10th thing at Christmas that cost me spoons today: Kids are all screaming.
The 9th thing at Christmas that cost me spoons today: It started snowing.
The 8th thing at Christmas that cost me spoons today: Walking and caroling.
The 7th thing at Christmas that cost me spoons today: Trying present wrapping.
The 6th thing at Christmas that cost me spoons today: All the card writing.
The 5th thing at Christmas that cost me spoons today: Ty-ing shoe strings.
The 4th thing at Christmas that cost me spoons today: Can’t say curse words.
The 3rd thing at Christmas that cost me spoons today: Dinner with friends.
The 2nd thing at Christmas that cost me spoons today: Losing my gloves.
The 1st thing at Christmas that cost me spoons today: Setting up that God damn tree.
Pain is Hell
Rushing to the doc’s
For a brand new source of pain
Lis’ning as he talks
Numbing all my brain
It’s all in my head
I’m losing my mind
Can you believe that’s what he said?
A new doc I’ve got to find!
Pain is hell, pain is hell,
why’m I stuck this way?
Oh, what fun it is to cry
And fuss and scream, “You’re a fuckin’ A!”
Pain is hell, pain is hell,
why’m I stuck this way?
Oh, what fun it is to cry
And fuss and scream, “You’re a fuckin’ A!”
Spoonie Night
Spoonie night, cramping night!
Nerves are fraught, what a plight.
Find the Advil, blanket, and ice.
Heating pad, so blessed and nice,
Please, dear God, let me sleep,
Please, dear God, let me sleep.
Spoonie night, painful night!
Muscles twitch - what a sight.
My brain can’t handle one more hour.
In two more hours, I’ll have to shower,
Why can’t I get some rest?
Why can’t I get some rest?
Decked My Toe
Decked my toe on a corner table
Ow ow ow ow ow, ow ow ow ow
Now my nerves have gone unstable
Ow ow ow ow ow, ow ow ow ow
Watch me hop and shriek and stumble
Ow ow ow ow ow, ow ow ow ow
Words I try to somehow fumble
Ow ow ow ow ow, ow ow ow ow
Now the brain fog sets in fully
Ow ow ow ow ow, ow ow ow ow
All my thoughts get soft and wooly
Ow ow ow ow ow, ow ow ow ow
Can’t form even one whole sentence
Ow ow ow ow ow, ow ow ow ow
Have to sit with my resentence
Ow ow ow ow ow, ow ow ow ow
I Wish You a Spoonie Christmas
I wish you a spoonie Christmas
I wish you a spoonie Christmas
I wish you a spoonie Christmas and a pain-free new year
Laughter I bring to you with this site
I wish you a spoonie Christmas and a tolerable new year
Oh, bring us a cure for next year
Or at least better treatments
Maybe a doctor who will listen
And bring it right now!
Laughter I bring to you in the interim
I wish you a spoonie Christmas and a bearable new year