import from library normal_day: wake, feed, wash, work, sleep
import from library function: move, bend, think
#Define subroutines
define subroutine: fog ( )
if with_company:
if immediate_answer_required:
invalidate_think
else: substitute_ nonsense_words (more_idiotic_the_better)
define subroutine: pain ( )
if inconvenient:
if unnecessary:
pluck_random_nerve
else: maintain_low_level_discomfort
define subroutine: fatigue ( )
if early
if inexplicable
reset_energy_to-zero
use (fog)
use (pain)
define subroutine: take_medication ( )
if in_pain
if nauseous
take_pill
else: suffer_in_silence
#Define modified normal subroutine
define subroutine: wake (person)
if alarm in range (>3 snoozes):
use (fatigue)
find (clothes, random)
combine (clothes, person)
apologize (person, spouse)
define subroutine: feed (person)
open (refrigerator)
consider (options)
food=choose random (leftovers)
eat=bites (<4)
reject (begin_nausea)
define subroutine: sleep (person)
if awake (>11:00pm):
apologize (person, spouse)
cringe (person, spouse)
read_book=define chapters (<2)
#Begin Program
#7:30 AM
subroutine wake (self)
bend (body)
subroutine pain ( )
subroutine fatigue ( )
pretend_everything_fine
move (kitchen)
subroutine feed (self)
subroutine take_medication
feel_bad
paste_on (smile)
#9:30 AM
drive (self, work)
bend (sit)
freeze (joints)
subroutine pain ( )
try (work)
think (coherently)
subroutine fog ( )
while (boss: watching)
feel_worse
subroutine pain ( )
think (quitting)
#12:00 PM
move (breakroom)
subroutine feed (self)
subroutine take_medication
move (bathroom)
consider (reflection)
print (“Drug addict”)
move (desk)
bend (arm)
subroutine pain ( )
type (email)
attempt (think)
subroutine fog ( )
delete (email)
#5:00 PM
drive (self, home)
move (couch)
watch (television)
if functional_person_on_television==true:
cry
reassure (spouse)
paste_on (smile)
paste_on (neutral expression)
subroutine fatigue ( )
move (table)
subroutine pain ( )
subroutine feed (self)
print (“I hate food!”)
if spouse present:
print (“Not your food.”)
subroutine take_medication
bend (foot)
subroutine (pain)
muffle (screams)
contemplate (amputation)
#10:00 PM
move (bedroom)
dress (pajamas)
subroutine fatigue ( )
curse (clothing)
curse (movement)
curse (disease)
move (bed)
subroutine sleep ( )
subroutine pain ( )
subroutine sleep ( )
subroutine pain ( )
subroutine sleep ( )
move (bathroom)
subroutine take_medication ( )
consider (reflection)
print (“Sleep is overrated.”)
subroutine sleep ( )
subroutine sleep ( )
#End Program